TODAY'S Funnies

As I Mature

I've learnt that you cannot make someone live. All you can do is stalk them and hope that they panic and give in.

I've larnt that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learnt that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learnt that you can get by with charm for about 15 minutes. After that you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learnt that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you have finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do unless we are politicians or celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.