Some Funnies For Today

Tower: "DELTA 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: Give us another hint - we have digital watches.

Tower: TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn 45 degrees. TWA 2341: Centre we are at 35,000ft. How much noise can we make up here. Tower: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

From an unknown aircraft in a very long take-off queue: "I am fucking bored!!!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting identify yourself immediately!!!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored not fucking stupid!!!"

Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach!!! I have always wanted to say this. I have the little Fokker in my sight!"

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar , ATC asked: "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number One for take-off!!!"

A DC-10 had come in a little hot, thus had exceedingly long roll out after touch down. Johannesburg International Tower: "American 751 make a hard turn right at end of runway if you are able. If not able take the Gillooly's off ramp exit then make it right back to Johannesburg International Airport."

A Pan Am 727, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa {in German} "Ground what is our start clearance time?"
Ground {in English} "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa {in English} "I am German, flying a German Airplane in Germany. Why I must speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane {in a beautiful British accent} "Because you lost the bloody war!!!"

Tower: "QUANTAS 702 cleared for take-off contact departure. On Frequency 124.7."
QUANTAS 702: "Tower QUANTAS 702 switching to departure. By the way after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "S.A.A. 652, cleared for take off behind QUANTAS 702 contact departure on frequency 124.7. Did you Copy report on QUANTAS 702?"
S.A.A. 652: "Cleared for take off, Roger: Yes, we copied QUANTAS we have already notified our caterers!"

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air Flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale Made a wrong turn then came nose to nose with B.A. 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 277, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie Taxiway!!! You turned right onto Delta!! Stop right there! I know it is difficult for you to tell the difference between C & D, but get it right. Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was shouting hysterically: God now you have screwed everything up. It will take forever to sort this out!!! You stay right there & Do not move until I tell you!! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, I want you to go exactly where I tell you ,When I tell you & how I tell you. You got that US Air 277?"
"Yes Ma'am" the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing Of US Air 277. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence & keyed in his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once???"