Some interesting stuff this morning. Stress. Stress on fathers. Stress with children and just stress and everything!
Actually I believe that a certain amount of stress is actually good for you. I mean, if you weren't stressed, what would actually motivate you to get going and get things done.
On a personal level, I tend to think that stress is the greatest solution of procrastination.
What do you think?
The pressures of being a modern father
Theo Garrun
19 June 2007 at 11h00
Sunday was Father's Day, and we hope all the dads out there had a chance to relax.
They certainly need it. Today's dads face numerous challenges in an increasingly stressful and complex world of blended families, dual income homes, and the ever-increasing pressure to keep up with the Joneses.
There are many misconceptions about stress in the family - none more pronounced perhaps than the belief that fathers only face stress at work.
So says Dr Judy Jaye, business development manager for the Stress Clinic, a medically aligned, holistic stress management company, and division of international communication training firm, the Voice Clinic.
"At its core, the misconception holds that on the home front, a partner, domestic helper or an outsourced solution like a family member or professional company that sees to everything from child-minding to home shopping deliveries, alleviates the concerns and cares of a father.
"Nothing could be further from the truth," says Jaye. "Firstly, there are the financial stressors of having and raising children. This pressure has always been with us, but today a number of influencer's magnify it.
"For example, today's child faces an extreme amount of peer pressure in terms of their social lives - not so much for drinking and smoking - but in terms of where they hang out, where do their families go on holiday, what brand clothes are they wearing and whether they have the latest cellphone or iPod.
"It's an out-and-out fact, every father is placed under pressure by their kids to provide these items."
Not only that, but the pressure to provide a tertiary education has become increasingly important.
"Stress today includes the fact that people are almost forced to send their kids to university because jobs are so limited, and without a tertiary education, their children's options are very limited."
So, dad has to worry about where to send their kids for further education. What is the best institution? Can they get in? What bridging courses, subjects and extra-curricular help will they need to fulfil their dreams of becoming a doctor, or lawyer, and what are the best institutions or people to supply this?
"It's a question of balance," says Jaye, "between what we can afford and we have to save for in the future. It's a particularly stressful question."
The second major stress that fathers face is the question of time.
There just doesn't seem to be enough of it - especially when trying to balance it between work and family commitments.
"Fathers do need to realise that they must devote and dedicate time to their families. Whether they are full-time or weekend dads, they must never lose sight of the fact that they are a role models for their children - and that they are needed"
Life without balance is chaos. Balancing life, according to the Stress Clinic, entails prioritising tasks into "must" for work and family, "should" for work and home activities that are important but not urgent, and "like" - actions which are enjoyable.
"You don't have time," Jaye says, "you make time". If you don't plan and balance your time properly - then you have stress. A third factor, which many fathers find stressful, is communication. They might be dynamos at work, but when it comes to communicating with their kids, many fathers just don't know where to begin.
"In any communication, be it at home or in the workplace, the goal must always be to maintain mutual respect," says Jaye. "This will ensure a positive outcome."
Fathers can help foster an environment where all parties feel safe to communicate by ensuring that not all communication is negative.
When stressed, it's easy to snap, or be curt and short, or criticise - but when this is the only environment that the family has, communication will stop, and family members will withdraw in fear of the constant negativity rather than communicate and risk being patronised, put-down or ridiculed.
"A key to better communication and mutual respect, as a father figure and role model is always to attack the problem, not the person," Jaye advises.
"For example, don't call someone stupid because he or she didn't clean up a milk spill. This label will stick with the child. Rather address the problem, being the spill, and say that it needs to be cleaned up."
Children will always come to a father for guidance and advice - in short, by taking the time to encourage and support them; dads can ensure a better tomorrow if they just take the time now.
"Focus on the positive. Praise your kids when they do well and always encourage them - don't just take it for granted that they know they've done well. Praise from a father is worth the world to a child," says Jaye.
She also reminds dads that effective communication is based on good listening skills.
"Really listen to what they are saying when they talk about dreams and tell you their stories. In this way fathers can help their kids win."
By being good listeners, dads can pick up clues as to what it is their children need from them to create a secure environment in which the child can achieve.
"Boundaries are very important," says Jaye.
"These help a child feel secure. Weekend dads in particular need to remember that children feel secure when they know where they stand, and when there is consistency.
"It is easy to indulge the feeling of wanting to always be the 'good guy' or try to win favour with the child by allowing to do and get everything they please - but remember, this isn't what is best for the child, and is often also just an easy way out for the parent - with horrible long term implications and effects."
Every member of the family needs to feel valued and part of the family relationship.
Fathers play a pivotal role in setting the roots and wings for their children by planning for the future, giving of their time, and supporting their children's dreams.
Despite the turmoil of today, families can be a great source of strength and energy, if parents take the time to work on creating a positive, secure and supportive environment.
For more information contact the Stress Clinic on 011-880-2334 or visit www.thestressclinic.com
Theo Garrun
19 June 2007 at 11h00
Sunday was Father's Day, and we hope all the dads out there had a chance to relax.
They certainly need it. Today's dads face numerous challenges in an increasingly stressful and complex world of blended families, dual income homes, and the ever-increasing pressure to keep up with the Joneses.
There are many misconceptions about stress in the family - none more pronounced perhaps than the belief that fathers only face stress at work.
So says Dr Judy Jaye, business development manager for the Stress Clinic, a medically aligned, holistic stress management company, and division of international communication training firm, the Voice Clinic.
"At its core, the misconception holds that on the home front, a partner, domestic helper or an outsourced solution like a family member or professional company that sees to everything from child-minding to home shopping deliveries, alleviates the concerns and cares of a father.
"Nothing could be further from the truth," says Jaye. "Firstly, there are the financial stressors of having and raising children. This pressure has always been with us, but today a number of influencer's magnify it.
"For example, today's child faces an extreme amount of peer pressure in terms of their social lives - not so much for drinking and smoking - but in terms of where they hang out, where do their families go on holiday, what brand clothes are they wearing and whether they have the latest cellphone or iPod.
"It's an out-and-out fact, every father is placed under pressure by their kids to provide these items."
Not only that, but the pressure to provide a tertiary education has become increasingly important.
"Stress today includes the fact that people are almost forced to send their kids to university because jobs are so limited, and without a tertiary education, their children's options are very limited."
So, dad has to worry about where to send their kids for further education. What is the best institution? Can they get in? What bridging courses, subjects and extra-curricular help will they need to fulfil their dreams of becoming a doctor, or lawyer, and what are the best institutions or people to supply this?
"It's a question of balance," says Jaye, "between what we can afford and we have to save for in the future. It's a particularly stressful question."
The second major stress that fathers face is the question of time.
There just doesn't seem to be enough of it - especially when trying to balance it between work and family commitments.
"Fathers do need to realise that they must devote and dedicate time to their families. Whether they are full-time or weekend dads, they must never lose sight of the fact that they are a role models for their children - and that they are needed"
Life without balance is chaos. Balancing life, according to the Stress Clinic, entails prioritising tasks into "must" for work and family, "should" for work and home activities that are important but not urgent, and "like" - actions which are enjoyable.
"You don't have time," Jaye says, "you make time". If you don't plan and balance your time properly - then you have stress. A third factor, which many fathers find stressful, is communication. They might be dynamos at work, but when it comes to communicating with their kids, many fathers just don't know where to begin.
"In any communication, be it at home or in the workplace, the goal must always be to maintain mutual respect," says Jaye. "This will ensure a positive outcome."
Fathers can help foster an environment where all parties feel safe to communicate by ensuring that not all communication is negative.
When stressed, it's easy to snap, or be curt and short, or criticise - but when this is the only environment that the family has, communication will stop, and family members will withdraw in fear of the constant negativity rather than communicate and risk being patronised, put-down or ridiculed.
"A key to better communication and mutual respect, as a father figure and role model is always to attack the problem, not the person," Jaye advises.
"For example, don't call someone stupid because he or she didn't clean up a milk spill. This label will stick with the child. Rather address the problem, being the spill, and say that it needs to be cleaned up."
Children will always come to a father for guidance and advice - in short, by taking the time to encourage and support them; dads can ensure a better tomorrow if they just take the time now.
"Focus on the positive. Praise your kids when they do well and always encourage them - don't just take it for granted that they know they've done well. Praise from a father is worth the world to a child," says Jaye.
She also reminds dads that effective communication is based on good listening skills.
"Really listen to what they are saying when they talk about dreams and tell you their stories. In this way fathers can help their kids win."
By being good listeners, dads can pick up clues as to what it is their children need from them to create a secure environment in which the child can achieve.
"Boundaries are very important," says Jaye.
"These help a child feel secure. Weekend dads in particular need to remember that children feel secure when they know where they stand, and when there is consistency.
"It is easy to indulge the feeling of wanting to always be the 'good guy' or try to win favour with the child by allowing to do and get everything they please - but remember, this isn't what is best for the child, and is often also just an easy way out for the parent - with horrible long term implications and effects."
Every member of the family needs to feel valued and part of the family relationship.
Fathers play a pivotal role in setting the roots and wings for their children by planning for the future, giving of their time, and supporting their children's dreams.
Despite the turmoil of today, families can be a great source of strength and energy, if parents take the time to work on creating a positive, secure and supportive environment.
For more information contact the Stress Clinic on 011-880-2334 or visit www.thestressclinic.com
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