Sunday, December 30, 2007
SOME LIGHT RELIEF
Some light relief.
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
5. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder & got a little behind in his work.
6. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
7. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
8. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
9. A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
10. A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
12. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
13. A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
14. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
15. A will is a dead giveaway.
16. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
19. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
20. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
21. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
22. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
23. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
24. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
25. A calendar's days are numbered.
26. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
27. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
28. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
30. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
31. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
32. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
33. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
34. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
And of course the old classic:
35. When the fat lady backed into the fan, it disaster.
TAXMAN ADDS TO ZUMA'S WOES
I, for one am hugely curious to see what happens next. In my opinion the prosecutors team are in a bit of a catch 22 type situation. If they don't bring Zuma up on charges, whey will be seen to not be doing their jobs and if they do, they might very well be prosecuting the next President of SA.
I wonder if he will serve out his term as President from a jail cell - now that would be new one for the history books!
Taxman adds to Zuma's ample woes
February 25 2007 at 10:46AM
By Jeremy Gordin, Fred Kockott and Karyn Maughan
"We have no comment," Hulley said on Saturday. "We consider Mr Zuma's tax affairs to be private and so there is nothing to say." Some members of Zuma's inner circle suspect that there is a connection between these queries and the National Prosecuting Authority's continuing investigation into Zuma's relationship with Schabir Shaik, who has gone to jail for fraud, and into Zuma's alleged relationship with Thint, the French arms manufacturer, from which Zuma is alleged to have accepted a bribe facilitated by Shaik.
This article was originally published on page 1 of Sunday Independent on February 25, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
ZUMA CONVOY RAISES IRE OF KZN MOTORISTS
If the man was behaving like this in April, how is he going to act now - me thinks we have a meglomaniac on our hands!
'Zuma convoy' raises ire of KZN motorists
April 12 2007 at 11:02AM
A woman, too scared to identify herself, said the convoy consisted of two black BMW X5s and a blue Range Rover and was apparently the same convoy that threatened Mooideen and his family. According to the woman, a group of guards from the convoy, while on a stopover at the Engen One Stop on the N3, aggressively pushed patrons out of their way while doing a security check of the area. She then confirmed that Zuma, with security guards accompanying him, got out of one of the vehicles and made his way to the toilets. "Others witnessing the scene made comments like 'Who does he think he is?'," the woman was quoted as saying. Zuma's private secretary, Nontokozo Luthuli, could not confirm the make of the vehicles used by Zuma at the weekend but said that his convoy "every now and then" changes it vehicles.
MANY OF SA'S SUPER-RICH ARE BLACK
My, my - how very interesting - perhaps we should blame this one on 'Apartheid' as well! Let's face facts - if it wasn't for Apartheid, this would, very likely not have happened!
Many of SA's super-rich are black
October 30 2006 at 09:29AM
By Barry Bateman, Cornelia du Plooy and Malgosia Kijko
This was revealed at the launch of FNB's Private Clients facility for the northern region which includes Pretoria, Polokwane and Tzaneen in Limpopo province, and Nelspruit and Secunda in Mpumalanga. FNB Private Clients northern region head Gerhard Combrinck said the service targeted people with an annual income of R750 000 upwards or investible assets of R1-million or more."
This article was originally published on page 4 of Pretoria News on October 30, 2006
ID THEFT HITS RETAILERS HARDEST
You see the FICA Act says that as an individual you have to 'prove' who you are - nowhere does it say that this means that anyone needs to take copies of your ID!
I was recently challenged by Nedbank to become FICA compliant for my business bank account despite the fact that the account was only opened in August of this year. I received 3 telegrams, a letter and an sms from them threatening me with the freezing of my bank account if I did not become FICA compliant. Unfortunately for them, I learnt the hard way and got the Nedbank staff member to sign in receipt of all my FICA documentation and so told them that if they froze my account I would be opening up a case of theft against them.
Cutting a very, very long story short, they eventually 'found' my documents and all is well - however, I am still somewhat peeved at the manner in which this went down, the threats and the way several of the Nedbank staff actually spoke to and treated me! My God, if I spoke to my clients like that, I would certainly lose them, but then again I suspect that the banking and insurance fraternity think that they are above the law and therefore can do as they please - this was one instance that they found that they couldn't!
ID theft hits retailers hardest
Stephen J Dubner and Steven D Levitt
03 April 2007 at 06h00
How it works
There are as many varieties of identity theft today as there are varieties of mushrooms. And there are as many misconceptions about the scope of the problem, the incentives to stop it and how its costs are borne.
For starters, there are indications that identity theft has peaked. A recent study by Javelin Strategy and Research claimed that 8,4-million United States adults suffered some form of identity fraud in 2006, down from 10,1-million in 2002.
Bear in mind that the Javelin study was paid for in part by three financial services institutions, which certainly have an incentive to alleviate customer fears. But the US Federal Trade Commission also reports a levelling off, as does the Los Angeles county sheriff's department, which runs one of the most aggressive identity theft task forces.
Who cares?Still, identity theft remains an extraordinarily appealing crime. Most police departments don't have the staffing or know-how to even pursue the perpetrators.
The FBI, meanwhile, usually won't get involved unless the fraud reaches $100 000.Which raises an obvious question: If law enforcement doesn't care about identity theft, who does?
The answer would also seem obvious: you, the potential victim. But according to the Javelin data, people probably worry way too much about identity theft. Seventy-three percent of victims incur no out-of-pocket expenses whatsoever; the unlucky minority loses, on average, $2 000 - far less than the scare stories would have us believe. And in more than half the cases of identity theft, the thief is a relative, friend or co-worker.
You don't often loseSo while you were being frightened into never again using a credit card, most of the cost of identity theft was actually being paid by someone else.
Surely, then, it is the banks and credit card companies that are desperate to stop the problem? Sergeant Robert Berardi, who runs the Los Angeles county sheriff department's ID theft task force, has found otherwise.
"The banks are in conflict between security and making a profit," he says. In an industry that is reluctant to add an ounce of friction to a customer's purchase, Berardi says identity theft is seen as simply the cost of doing business.
Business caresSo if the banks, the consumer and the police aren't incentivised to stop identity theft, who is?The merchant. That is what Peisner, a veteran of the credit card business, has discovered. "Let's say one of these hackers takes the information they find in a chat room. He goes to the Sony website, buys a laptop computer for $1 000, and a month later the actual cardholder gets the billing statement. He calls up his bank and says, 'I didn't order a computer from Sony.' "At that point, the credit card issuer, let's say Citibank, sends a 'charge back' through the interchange system to the acquiring bank, and that $1 000 is taken right out of Sony's bank account, and they also get hit with a $25 charge back fee."
So the merchant has lost the money from the sale (as well as the laptop) while paying the charge back fee, other bank fees and processing and shipping costs. "If you're a merchant," Peisner says, "you have all the liability." And, therefore, all the incentive to stop the crime.
That is why Peisner recently started a company, Sell It Safe, which aims to help merchants and banks screen their customers in online and telephone transactions. His main weapon is a massive, live database of stolen personal information, which a merchant can instantaneously check to learn whether Amy Weiss is really Amy Weiss.
When Peisner comes upon stolen data in a hacker chat room, social security numbers and passwords strewn about like underwear after a burglary, he often personally calls the victims and advises them to notify the police and the bank. Usually, they assume at first that he is a hustler himself, or at least a nut. But ultimately they are grateful.
This may be because Peisner himself responded to a phony email message, commonly known as a phish, which supposedly came from eBay. He was in the throes of bidding on a Jack Nicklaus personal credit card - Peisner collects credit card memorabilia - when he received the eBay phish telling him that his account would be suspended if he didn't update his personal information. "I thought, 'It expires in 10 minutes - I better go in and turn my account back on,'" he recalls.If it could happen to Peisner, it could happen to anyone.
In a recent academic paper called Why Phishing Works (PDF), three computer scientists (one from Harvard and two from Berkeley) ran a study and found that "the best phishing site was able to fool more than 90 percent of participants".
Fortunately, most phishing sites are not designed by top-tier computer scientists with good English skills. Peisner recently discovered a fake Bank of America website that asked for a customer's account number, online identification, PIN, social security number and address. Only at the end of the form was the site's illegitimacy - and the creator's foreign origin - revealed, when it asked for information that should have baffled any United States customer: "Father Maiden Name". - The New York Times
Stephen J Dubner and Steven Levitt are the authors of Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything. For more Freakonomics, visit the website http://www.freakonomics.com/. This article first appeared in the Business Report.
My Christmas Wish for you
May your Christmas be filled with joy, peace and happiness.
May the Gods (whomever you perceive them to be) grant you all that your heart desires, in great abundance!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
TIME MANAGEMENT
Time Management
The quote today comes from William D. Reiff, who says "Without the management of time, you will soon have nothing left tomanage"
How many times do we not only say, but also hear the words “I don’t have the time ……”
I know that I have been saying it, probably several times a day for the last three months – this year certainly seems to have gotten away from me, I don’t know about the rest of you.
I am sitting here at my desk, after two days of doing literally nothing, with a huge guilty feeling hanging over my head, as I look at the piles of work that are sitting on my desk – I know that the work will get done, at some point and at a cost – the cost being to me, to my time.
Looking at my diary, everything neatly allocated, it would seem that I have designated my time very effectively and constructively and to be quite honest that is exactly what I have done. The problem arises, with people who have not been allocated any time, but who now suddenly need it desperately. Ironically, it’s those same people (desperate for my time and who demand the most) who pay the least and who take the longest time to pay.
Yet - still my challenge is to say “No”!
So I guess my New Year’s resolution this year is to say the word ‘No’ to those that need it saying – once I have mastered that, my time management will be an absolute breeze!
So to all of us out there who do not have time – my question to you, is the same one that I had to ask of myself!
Do you know how to say No and even more importantly . . . mean it?
LAUGH . . . .BECAUSE YOU CAN!
Hope you enjoy!
laugh... because you can
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
(--Author Unknown )
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children.
(--Author Unknown
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
(author - Drew Carey)
4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it.
At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
(--Jeff Foxworthy)
5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
(--Dave Barry)
6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
(--Bob Ettinger)
7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
(--Paula Poundstone)
8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
(--Conan O'Brien)
9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
(--Lynda Montgomery)
10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
( --Richard Jeni)
11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
(--Johnny Carson)
12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
(--Paul Rodriguez)
13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty and that's the law."
( --Jerry Seinfeld)
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? Do tall people burn slower?"
(--Warren Hutcherson)
15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
( --Oscar Wilde)
16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
(--Mark Twain)
17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan ."
(--A. Whitney Brown)
18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
(--Dave Barry)
19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
(-- Unknown, body unrecognisable)
20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer."
(- W. C. Fields)
and an oldie..
WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny......
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.
MADUNA SLAMMED IN LANDMARK RULING
Oh this did make me smile! We keep hearing about how to 'tell' someone when something is wrong and then wonder why no-one gives up the goods so to speak!
Finally, the right thing to do is upheld by the law!
Maduna slammed in landmark ruling
January 07 2007 at 10:08AM
A labour court judge has slammed former justice minister Penuell Maduna in a landmark ruling in favour of a whistleblower he fired, the Sunday Times reported. Maduna and current Scorpions boss, Vusi Pikoli, formerly director-general in the department of justice, were taken to court by the former deputy director-general in the department, MikeTshishonga. Tshishonga sued after being booted out of his job following his public disclosure of corruption and nepotism within the liquidation industry as well as Maduna's insistence on having a friend, Enver Motala, appointed in lucrative cases. Tshishonga was sidelined over his refusal to appoint Motala, and subsequently made the public disclosures that led to his axing.
However, he successfully took this to court, and although he won, Pikoli refused to reinstate him. Ruling in favour of Tshishonga, Judge Daya Pillay criticised Maduna and Pikoli for their failure to testify during the case, the Sunday Times said. Pillay said they were public officials at the time and owed Tshishonga and the public answers to the claims made by Tshishonga. This is the first-ever case in South African legal history in which a whistleblower has received compensation for exposing corruption. Pillay ordered the justice department to pay Tshishonga 12 months' salary as well as his legal costs. - Sapa
Friday, December 21, 2007
I have just brought my cat home from the hospital after he was involved in a cat fight with the neighbour's cat - I am shocked at the damage these two animals have inflicted upon each other, never mind the cost. I shudder to think that this sort of thing goes on, in a confined space, for the sake of betting and making money - absolutely disgusting!
SPCA demands Pitbull owner be prosecuted
November 15 2006 at 11:16AM
By Zandile Clock
'Time bomb waiting to explode'
Perrins said: "This was just a time bomb waiting to explode. No pitbulls can live together in such a small property, mostly because pitbulls have an inherited dislike of each other. "Besides that, experts are gathering evidence to determine whether or not the wounds were deliberate or as a result of professional dog fighting," said Perrins. He said according to their records, the owner had previously been warned by the SPCA about the many dogs on her property, and instructed her to reduce numbers to the current 14. He said she had told the SPCA she had special permission to keep the dogs which she sells for between R1 000 and R3 000 each as puppies.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
CELLPHONES EMPOWER AND IMPERIL CHILDREN
14 February 2007 at 12h42
Barcelona - The dangers and opportunities of the Internet are soon to be brought to cellphones, industry experts predicted this week, raising serious questions about how parents can control what their children view and who they contact.
Most kids use their computers at home, making Internet surveillance easier, but a cellphone is a personal device by design and a jealously guarded symbol of independence for many.
Fully-fledged mobile Internet access still eludes network operators, but they are already expanding their services and have a declared goal of replicating the computer Internet experience on mobile phones.
"Clearly there is more content on an open Internet site (than on a mobile Internet site)," said Vodafone marketing director Frank Rovekamp at the mobile phone industry's biggest trade show, 3GSM. "But we are opening up and so there is more access to information than there used to be."
Fears about paedophilia and cyber-bullying drive calls for more parental oversight, but the risk of high bills, anti-social behaviour and the problem of injudicious calling in schools also favour tighter discipline.
Govern, censure and guide
"The technology exists to be able to govern, censure and guide," says Michael Anderson, senior vice president of Telcordia, a software company that helped Disney develop one of the first mobile phones for children.
But many believe that phone network operators have been slow to integrate functions allowing parents to vet their children's behaviour and limit their phone use. "What you can see now is the very early stages of operators providing choices, such as whether you have adult content or not," said Ajay Nigan, new product manager of VeriSign, an Internet security software maker.
"As they offer more services they have to provide these options," he said.
Brand (new) power
The Disney phone, launched last year in the United States replete with Mickey Mouse or Tigger branding, gives parents broad powers to specify when calls can be made, which sites can be accessed and how high the bill can go. "What's happened is that suddenly we've gone from 18-year-olds to nine- or 10-year-olds using these (cellphones) as active devices," said Anderson.
"It is dawning on us parents that there are lots of interesting things out there, but there are things we don't want to explain and there are bills we don't want to pay."
Explicit content is already available over mobile phones, but self-regulation by operators has led to customers needing to prove their age for access and in some countries laws prohibit mobile phone pornography.
The company is in talks with network operators, but has yet to sign a deal to realise its ambition of rolling out the service to Europe, the United States and Asia. Nick Lane, senior analyst at telecoms consultancy Informa, says that worries about inappropriate content for mobiles should not be exaggerated. But he believes that more sophisticated phones and improved Internet access in the future raise new questions.
"Mobile content is still a niche service," he said. "In the future as consumption increases, then maybe there will be a need for measures to be put in place." In Brussels last week, leading European mobile operators pledged to draw up a voluntary code over the next year aimed at protecting children from adult material and illegal content. About 70 percent of Europeans aged 12-13 own a mobile phone and 23 percent of 8-9-year-olds, according to European Union data from 2005. Some 92 percent of Germans aged 12-19 had one that year.
Europe leads
"Europe is leading the way. The percentage of children aged five to nine with a cellphone is the highest in the world," said Genmobi chief executive and founder Michael Schultz.
"What happens in Europe will determine what happens in the rest of the world." - AFP
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
SAPS, METRO COPS 'TURF WAR' ERUPTS
The sad thing though, is that whilst all of this hoo-ha was taking place, dangerous criminals are left free to wander about doing what it is tha dangerous criminals like to do.
Absolutely bizarre!
SAPS, Metro cops 'turf war' erupts
December 20 2006 at 11:36AM
By Miranda Andrew and Bongani Mthembu
In a letter leaked to the Daily News, the Metro Police has asked the SAPS and the Independent Complaints Directorate (ICD) to investigate the circumstances surrounding the raid which saw the two police forces at each other's throats.
'Metro officers held the operation as part of their festive season clampdown on shebeens'
This article was originally published on page 1 of Daily News on December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
THE POWER OF NETWORKING - PART 41
PART 41
Dr. Renate Volpe, in her nugget cards entitled “Networking Tips” says:
“Remember! Opportunities present themselves to be grabbed with both hands, or be relinquished forever.”
Whilst I do believe this, I also believe that the minute you ‘miss’ an opportunity, it becomes ‘open season’ on that opportunity for someone else. If you don’t take that opportunity, it will become someone else’s and then don’t cry!
In my opinion, one of the biggest tragedies facing the Small Business Owner (and the large one for that matter) is their failure to recognize an opportunity when it comes a knocking. You see some opportunities are around for a while and some are here for just a fleeting moment! You need to be constantly aware of what is going on around you.
Opportunities are, for me, in some way like people – sometimes the timing is also not quite right and you have to learn to ‘let go’ too. Not every opportunity that you seize with both hands is going to be the right one. That is why, not every deal that you think you might like to make always works out – some basic chemical is missing somewhere! Chasing an opportunity that is just ‘not right’ can also be costly and time consuming for little or no reward.
So you need firstly recognise that there is an opportunity and grab it, once you’ve grabbed it, you need to ascertain if it is the right opportunity for you and if it isn’t, you need to let it go, or pass it onto someone else.
Remember though, you cannot ‘let it go’, if you haven’t first grabbed hold of it, to understand what it is.
Happy Hunting!
For more information on Renate, please visit her website at www.hirs.co.za
Monday, December 17, 2007
KEEPING YOUNG
The quote today comes from Henry Ford, who says:
“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”
One of my greatest challenges, at the moment, is to remember that I have turned 50! When I think of myself it’s not as an “old” person (not that I am saying that 50 is old!), but I can still remember very clearly as a teenager, working out how old I would be at the turn of the century and thinking I would be ancient!
Many of my friends think that is time that I ‘grew up’ and started acting ‘age appropriate’ and my standard response to that one is “what for?”
I am very young at heart, and am proud to say that I can still party and out party many much younger than I am, (I suspect that being an insomniac has something to do with that though). For me, life is for the living and I intend to live it to the full.
Too often, I see people who are bent and buckled by the responsibilities and weight of issues that they carry around with them. They sag under a heavy load of self inflicted issues or even other people’s responsibilities and bemoan their lot at every opportunity and to everybody who will listen. They become ‘old’ before their time and simply exist from day to day as they wait for their time to end. For them, life is about paying their dues. I could no more live like this than I could chew off my own arm!
I’m not saying that life is a joke or one continuous party! What I am saying is that we have all been given an incredible opportunity to live an average of four score and ten years, and once lived we can not go back and change it. So why not make this the greatest opportunity that we will ever have and live life to the fullest? Take up the challenge! Make a difference to the world!
Go on – I dare you!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
GOVERNMENT EVALUATIONS
These are actual quotes taken from Government employee performance evaluations:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and hasstarted to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of adefinite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in atrap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic things to hold it alltogether."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "I would like to go hunting with him ."
14. "He's been working with glue too much."
15. "He would argue with a signpost."
16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
28. "One neuron short of a synapse."
29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."
31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
My, these are interesting times that we live in!
Suspend Selebi and appoint inquiry - Leon
November 22 2006 at 12:37PM
Police morale was taking a "savage beating" which was further reason for a commission. "A number of senior police officials are reportedly desperate for Selebi to stand down, given the damage allegations against him are doing to the image of the police."
Friday, December 14, 2007
I am speechless and disgusted at what the human race has become!
Now robbers target primary school pupils
Willem Steenkamp
September 10 2006 at 12:19PM
"While the other children saw the two men walking on either side of the pupil, they did not realise that the pupil was being robbed by the armed men. We are very, very concerned. These attacks are directed at the children in our community. "We are aware that similar attacks have taken place at other schools in our community and also in Milnerton. We have handed all the information on the the attacks at our school to the local police forum which is setting up an emergency meeting with the police where headmasters and other senior teachers will raise their concerns."We are all hoping to put together an effective plan to ensure the safety of the children at our schools." Jannie Beirowski, chairman of the Table View police forum, said the attacks were of great concern. "There have been attacks on children outside Blouberg Ridge Primary, Parklands Primary and Blouberg-rand High, and we have also had reports of similar incidents near schools in Milnerton."Two men have already been arrested in connection with one of the attacks, while we are working closely with five armed-response companies which have made some of their guards available to schools.I have also approached the provincial Department of Safety and Security to inform them of the incidents in our area and to obtain some assistance."Beirowski said because of the construction boom in the area, scores of unemployed and unskilled workers were around in the hope of finding work. This had led to an increase in criminal activities."Sadly we also have other social problems. Nowadays both parents usually work and only see their children at breakfast and supper. This means more and more children have to take on responsibilities of adults. They are very much on their own."The recent attacks on children at primary school level is a shocking development and of great concern. We are hoping to address these and other problems when we have the emergency meeting with the headmasters and local police on Monday."We also call on parents to allow their children to give evidence in court when we apprehend the robbers. "Otherwise it is difficult to prosecute and the criminals walk free."Beirowski said some schools were using Bambanani volunteers to patrol the streets near schools.Gertjie Witbooi, spokesperson in the office of Western Cape Education MEC Cameron Dugmore, said the ministry was "extremely concerned" about the incidence of crime around schools and against children."We call on anyone who identifies a threat or sees an attack to immediately contact our Safe Schools number at 0800 454647."However, we are concerned about these criminal attacks on our school children outside the safety of schools," Witbooi said.
This article was originally published on page 3 of Cape Argus on September 10, 2006
Thursday, December 13, 2007
ZUMA CASE: STATE TO RESPOND ON DOCUMENTS
Zuma case: State to respond on documents
March 02 2007 at 07:26AM
The NPA needs to file its response by Friday. The matter will be argued in the Pietermaritzburg High Court from March 22 to 25. The documents, held in Mauritius, include the 2000 diary of former Thint chief executive Alain Thetard. In supporting documentation submitted on December 12 it was revealed that "the entry (in Thetard's diary) for 11 March 2000, is a particularly important piece of evidence for the State and the present prosecution. "It appears from this entry that Thetard met with 'J Zuma + SS' (Schabir Shaik) in Durban on that day."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
HOLIDAY CHECKLIST
Be Safe!
Contact Us
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
THE POWER OF NETWORKING - PART 40
PART 40
How many of us, in the past, have gone to networking events, where we have religiously handed out handfuls of business cards and received fistfuls of business cards in return? We’ve promised to contact the numerous people who have given us their cards, in order to ‘do something together’ and then when we have gotten home, the cards are dumped on the desk or very diligently filed in the rolodex and in some extreme cases even trashed?
So come on, be honest now – how many of us? I know that I am guilty of this – in the past! Not now, you can be sure of that, definitely not now.
You see I have come to realize the value of a business card! For me every business card is an opportunity! It doesn’t matter where you got that card, at the supermarket, in the pub, at a networking event – anywhere!
In my business, next to my IP, my database is my biggest asset and I treat it with respect. It houses my large collection of contacts (from business cards that I have collected) and with that comes my own ‘circle of influence’.
Here are the people (not just contacts – they are living breathing human beings who should be treated with respect), who add value to my business because here are the people that I will recommend in terms of the services that they provide and the widgets that they sell. They make me look good to potential clients.
These are also the people who refer work to me – now that deserves even more respect, don’t you think? These are the people who I interact with on a daily basis and who I choose to surround myself with.
Napolean Hill in his book, Think and Grow Rich, says ‘Men take on the nature and the habits and the POWER OF THOUGHT of those with whom they associate in a spirit of sympathy and harmony.’
The people that I associate myself and who I choose to interact with on a daily basis are the very people whose names and contact details I have found on a business card. They are (hopefully) people who are ‘like minded’ to myself. They are people who are entrepreneurs and SMME’s and service providers, who are serious about doing business, who are hungry for new business, who want to grow their businesses and who are passionate about their businesses, themselves and what they do – these are the people that I want to be around, don’t you?
So when you get home, with your fistful of business cards, do something with them, contact those people – set up appointments with them, start building relationships with the people who you want to be in your ‘circle of influence’, your database and who will become your ‘value add’.
I hope this means that you are looking at the Business Card in your hand in a completely different light now – you are, aren’t you?
Monday, December 10, 2007
DREAMS
Dreams
The quote today comes from Michael Masterson who says:
“The trouble for most people is they don't decide to get wealthy, they just dream about it.”
So what is it about dreams that make them so important, and once you have done the ‘dreaming’ thing what needs to be done!
Well for me, the dream is the start. It’s the first step in this incredible journey that we call life. It’s the seed that is planted, that with love, care, commitment and perseverance, germinates and becomes the tree that grows strong and true.
What we all need to remember though is that the dream is just the beginning. Dreams without action are just that . . . dreams. In order for anything to happen, the dream needs to be acted upon. Something needs to be done to change the dream into a reality.
So the next step is to decide to do something about the dream. This is the first action in a very long line of actions that need to take place. The decision to do something about the dream, is the second step. This is where the foundation is built. This is where the nuts and bolts are decided upon and the plan is written down and then for me excitement and anticipation and that delicious feeling, deep down inside comes bubbling up and I can’t wait to get started because, well because something is about to happen!
As I go along, my dream morphs due to some of the realities of life and the path that I have chosen to walk down has twists and turns and up-hills and down-hills and sometimes I need to pause and take in the scenery. This means that my plans (or goals) need to change, they need to be flexible enough for me to be able to make changes, without losing sight of the winning flag, the realization of my dream.
This does not mean that the dream has changed or that the end result is going to be different, it just means that the actions required in order to reach my goal or realize my dream, have changed. There are always people to have a better way or easier way to do something – so the action must change.
But none of this can happen, not the action, not the execution of the action, not the realization – nothing . . . unless the dream has been dreamed.
Do you have a dream?
Sunday, December 09, 2007
DICTIONARY FOR MEN & WOMEN
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!
PHUMZILE URGES YOUTH TO STOP PLAYING THE FOOL
Some pretty powerful words and positive ones at that from out Deputy President! In fact, in my opinion she make more sense than Mbeki, most of the time!
I would like to add that these basic principals should not just be aimed at the youth at some point in their lives, but something that should be taught in every household and every school room through out the country.
Accountability and responsibility is something that can and should be taught as an ongoing excercise to children from the cradle and upwards. The moral fibre of our children is at risk, not only here in South Africa, but I suspect - all over the world.
Well done Phumzile!
Phumzile urges youth to stop playing the fool
Graeme Hosken
January 29 2007 at 07:06AM
'By taking charge of one's life one has to take responsibility for one's actions'
'No longer tolerate our sisters, our brothers, our mothers and our fathers being murdered'
This article was originally published on page 3 of Pretoria News on January 29, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
IS SEX BECOMING A PRE-TEEN SPORT?
I mean, let's have a look at the facts - we all have sex, it is something that everyone on the planet does and yet it is still this dark secret that no-one wants to really talk about, in an open honest idscussion - but that everyone has an opinion and/or even a judgement about.
Strange phenonmenon don't you think?
I remember in the early 80's, living in Hillbrow and having the time of my life. Remember it was still the middle of the apartheid era and many "things" were not allowed and the most ardent of the sayers of fire and brimstone were usually the most ardent partakers of "things" illegal. I lived in a block of flats that had not one but two brothels in very close proximity - I was always very amused to see the number of luxury cars parked in the street on a Sunday morning (before church of course, after church they had all disappeared), belonging to the very people who had the most to say - and yes I did see them getting into their cars whilst sneaking furtive glances around to see if anyone was looking. And yes, next week they were back again!
So there we have it, we all partake (some more than others) of sex, yet we are afraid to talk about it in the open, to educate our children and/or be educated ourselves and yet . . . when someone gets an STI or an STD, we look at them in horror and digust, because well let's face it - that person as done something quite disgusting . . they had, well um, ja um, you're going to make me say it aren't you? Yes well they had sex!
Is sex becoming a pre-teen sport?
March 03 2007 at 12:36PM
By Christina Gallagher
Mandla Ndlovu, the loveLife media director, said: "Surveys in fact suggest that more teenagers are waiting until they're older to have sex." He added that assertions of a general increase "should be substantiated with statistically valid information". Ndlovu said that compared with other countries, South African youth were generally having sex much later. A recent report from Johns Hopkins University in the US said 10 percent of South African youth have had sex by the time they are 15. The number jumped to almost 60 percent at 18 years old.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
SNOUTS IN RAF TROUGH
Snouts in RAF trough
December 02 2006 at 11:51AM
By Fiona Gounden
A total of 392 fraudsters were nabbed during the months of September and October and 29 in November. According to communications officer for the RAF, Sarita Cronje, there were even more doctors and lawyers on the list. In the past year the RAF has lost R66 million in KwaZulu-Natal to fraudulent RAF payouts. "In November there were fraudulent claims to the RAF totalling R1 774 690."We are still trying to estimate the total cost of the rest of them," said Cronje. "The most common modus operandi is to fake accidents and add passengers who were not involved in the accidents."
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
MBEKI - CRIME IS A PROBLEM
Personally, I think it is a case of 'far too little, far too late'. Perhaps if he had started talking about crime and plans for sorting it out a little earlyier . . . . . or
If he had spoken out against the HIV/AIDS pandemic (pretty much like Mandela), instead of getting together with his cronies - like Manto, who has embarrassed and disgraced us with her alcohol abuse and beetroot fetish . . . . or
Let's stick with Manto - and his defense of her (what is he thinking) and his firing of the deputy (who was actually doing something about things) . . . . or
His absolute apathy on the issue of Zimbabwe . . . . or
Oh hell, this list could go on and on and on. Perhaps it is just time for him to move on, quietly!
February 09 2007 at 11:59AM
By Angela Quintal
'Bring the department of home affairs to full capacity'
continue to improve the remuneration and working conditions of the police, increasing the total number of police officers to more than 180 000 within three years, and ensure the optimal use of the electronic monitoring and evaluation system that has just been introduced;
bring the forensic laboratories which had been equipped with the latest technology, to full capacity, and ensure the optimum use of the finger-print database;
bring the department of home affairs to full capacity, by filling vacant posts, improving systems and implementing other recommendations of the Task Team that has been working with the Minister to improve the work of this vital institution;
implement the recommendations of the Khampepe Commission on the mandate and operations of the Directorate of Special Operations (Scorpions);
modernise the South African Revenue Services’ systems, especially in respect of border control, and improve the work of the inter-departmental co-ordinating structures in this regard;
intensify intelligence work on organised crime, building on the successes that have been achieved in the last few months in dealing with cash-in-transit heists, drug trafficking and poaching of game and abalone;
use new technology provided to the justice system to improve management of the courts and the prosecution service to massively reduce case backlogs;
transform the judiciary and improve its functioning, “in consultation with this eminent institution of our democracy”;
build more corrections facilities;
boost intelligence agencies’ capacity, while ensuring that they operate within the Constitution and laws at all times; and
improve analysis of crime trends to improve crime prevention and crime combating.”